Co-parenting after a relationship is over can be contentious and fraught with potential pitfalls. The object is to do what’s best for the children involved. Unfortunately, many times parents inject their own feelings of loss, rejection and even revenge into their interactions with a former partner. There are some key strategies for successful co-parenting.
Talk with a Therapist
Speaking with a professional allows individuals to express negative emotions and work through their feelings about their ex. It will help parents keep from putting children in the middle of conflicts.
Communication
Interactions with a former partner should be kept peaceful and free of recriminations, harsh words and snide comments. Keep conversations civil and concentrate on the children. The way parents interact will have a definite effect on children. Parents don’t always have to meet in person. Phone calls, texts and emails are equally effective. Always refrain from using children as messengers.
Work as a Team
Consistency is a hallmark of teamwork. Children need to know that even though living arrangements have changed, the same rules apply – such as homework and curfews. Rules at each home may not be identical, but children need to know that both parents have their best interests in mind. Don’t get so caught up in little things that major decisions get lost.
Facilitation
Facilitate the smooth transition from one household to another. Reuniting with one parent means leaving the other. Drop the children off at the other parent’s house, but don’t pick them up. It leaves children with the impression that they’re being “taken” from the other parent.
Refrain from asking questions about the other parent and give children some space upon their return if they desire. Consider establishing a routine such as a special meal or ordering their favorite take-out.
Reassurance
Many children feel that they’re responsible for a divorce or separation. It’s imperative that they receive reassurance that the breakup isn’t about something they did or didn’t do and that both parents love them the same as before. It can also be helpful for children to see a therapist to help them adjust.
Southcoast Psychiatric Services
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